Pairing(s): Yesung centric!, Kangsung(Friendship?)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Family, Friendship
Disclaimer: I don't own.
Summary: A car accident was all it took to wipe away his memories of the man he used to be and the family he had loved, Yesung's getting a new start into the cruel world he had left behind just for only a moment.
List of Chapters Here.
Looking back Kangin wondered if his time with Yesung could've been spent better.
Looking back he tried his hardest to remember a time when he wasn't the least bit mean to the man, a time when maybe they talked like true friends instead of that fake crap they had to pull off for the cameras and the fans, a time where the elder man smiled freely, joyfully, happily because Kangin was there.
But his brain short circuits and instead of happy memories out come the cursing and the yelling and the disrespect that they both equally dished out in the privacy of their dorms.
Then comes the question.
What had Yesung done to deserve all this pent up frustration?
Was it all merely because he enjoyed angering the smaller older man?
Questions left unanswered as more flies into his mind but Kangin just sits there on the couch, staring blankly at the dark television screen still struggling to remember that happy time that must've... should've... could've been there.
"Where are you going?"
Leeteuk's worried voice floated into the living room catching Kangin's attention as he sat up to turn and watch the leader who seemed as frail as ever, the umma who lost her confidant and her control over her kids.
One thing he did remember about Yesung and their time together was his voice, usually cool and calm, collected until the very end when Kangin finally found that button to push him over the edge...
He couldn't recall.
But during all the years that Yesung had ever been in Super Junior, Kangin must've been the only person to ever receive the angry shouts... to see the fire burning in those melted chocolate eyes... but this is worse.
Cold and uncaring to anything and anyone... he would've rather had the smaller man yell his lungs out.
Anything but this cold ice.
Teukie was wavering, he could hear it in his voice, but Yesun-- Jongwoon still remained staring coldly at the man he used to care so much about.
"So you shouldn't be out."
Kangin stood slowly facing them, catching the relieved look in Leeteuk's eyes before turning to actually take a good look at the man in Yesung's body.
What had he been doing to himself?
Was the first question that popped up, then Why was he so pale? and Was he always that thin?
"I'm not your child or puppet to control."
His voice... beautiful... husky... collected... but it was as cold as ever and Kangin now felt the urge to go up to him in a desperate attempt to actually try and light that fire that used to burn so brightly before.
"Think about what you're doing. You're not going out as Jongwoon, Korea knows you as Yesung."
A spark of defiance but that was it and Kangin actually felt the fear or never seeing anything more than ice.
"You have an image to uphold as Yesung and being your smart ass punk self is going to ruin everything!"
He smirks then but it never reaches his eyes.
"...All the better...."
The softest of whispers but Kangin had heard him and he didn't know how it happened but he suddenly found himself standing close to the elder man, fists gripping tightly on the collar of his shirt.
"I am NOT going to let you ruin Yesung's image."
"I don't give a rat's ass--"
"LISTEN!" He sees red, angry and frustrated... something that can all be associated to the old times back when he was there to dish everything out tenfold, rising to always meet Kangin's anger. "If you didn't look so much like him..."
His voice softens and suddenly every ounce of anger is gone.
"If you didn't look exactly like him..." He searches those chocolate brown eyes desperately, "...then I wouldn't give a damn either..."
Suddenly Kangin felt tired, so very tired and weak and just plain sick of everything.
Sick of this predicament.
Sick of watching his family get hurt because a stranger had chosen Yesung's shell to flaunt around.
He was sick and tired of Jongwoon but still even with his mind screaming out that this wasn't Yesung, his heart refused to be moved.
"...but you do... and you are...... so please..."
He lowered his head, biting his lip, willing himself not to cry, repeating over and over that he had to be strong.
Anything but the tears.
How had he been reduced down to this?
What did he do?
Why was he about to cry for a man he had spent years getting angry, a man who had taken every single beating and thrown it back into his face, a man who had always been there to knock back his senses when he was lost...
Jongwoon says nothing but after a couple of minutes of having Kangin stand there, eyes tightly closed, his smaller hands slowly pull Kangin's fists away from his collar.
"...Yesung is gone..."
Another soft whisper but Kangin had heard every word, standing there as his hands slowly lowered to his sides, standing there as he listened to the door open and close signaling Jongwoon's leave.
A shout and he met the floor with Leeteuk's arms around him as he watched a tear drop to the ground followed by another and another until it reminded him of rain.
"You're such a freaking dumb ass."
He said nothing but continued to watch the stars as they twinkled brightly in the dark night sky.
A small silence that wasn't awkward but wasn't close to being comfortable either.
It had gotten to the point where Kangin had though he had left but the man sat down, back pressed onto his own as they leaned against each other automatically.
"You shouldn't give up though..."
He heard a small sigh.
"Aish... you really are a stupid ass."
What is this?
Bag on Kangin day?
"You shouldn't give up..."
The pressure is gone from his back and Kangin turns to stare into Yesung's chocolate brown eyes, bright, determined, hopeful, and knowing.
"If you give up then what the hell are we supposed to do?"
Then he smiles and Kangin thinks that it was the brightest anything he had seen in his whole entire life.
"...Super Junior doesn't need me..."
Maybe he had wanted to hear Yesung comfort him, experience what it felt like to actually be praised by that husky voice instead of being insulted but Yesung just laughs and Kangin doesn't know why but his heart soars with something he couldn't explain.
"This is why I call you a dumb ass."
Then he laughs again, a laugh that was caused by him, and suddenly Kangin realizes that right now at that exact moment, he just couldn't be happier.
A/N: uhm... i want to say that this was partially happy or at least had some happy part in it but i know you guys will just tear me down again so i'm not going to bother ahaha
thank you for all your support and avid comments... silent readers... is the story not good enough for you? :(
if so please do tell, i'll be sure to fix any mistakes...
but once again <3
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